Verbal Conflict Resolution: Developing the effective verbal conflict resolution skills needed for even the most challenging situations.

How we handle conflict has a huge impact on whether our lives move closer to our goals or not. If we cannot handle conflict effectively, our lives can stagnate, fester or wither.

How Verbal Conflict Resolution relates to Gender Equity

Sexism primes women and men to be against each other; creating conflict that wouldn’t otherwise exist and making everyday conflicts more difficult. It also increases the intensity of conflicts because sexism links topics to one’s “masculinity” or “femininity,” which we are conditioned to think we must protect at all costs. Sexism elevates men’s opinions and needs over women’s. It guides men and boys to resort to physical force, or the threat of physical force, when their needs or wishes are not catered to. It directs women and girls, when they are not willing to acquiesce, to not take responsibility for their harmful words because words are not physical force. Sexism is powered by patriarchal thinking which views all interactions as a means to inflict power and control over others, and regards physical force as the ultimate and necessary way to “end” conflict.

Being highly skilled in verbal conflict resolution is essential to navigate outside of sexism’s narrow view and reach more evolved, win-win solutions.

Examples of what Verbal Conflict Resolution looks like in an adult

• Someone who speaks up for what they* want without tearing other people down or physically lashing out.
• An adult who remains calm and attentive while listening to what others want or need.
• Someone who calms themselves during stressful interactions so they can remain productive.
• An adult who recognizes when it’s time to take a break from a heated conflict and come back later when everyone is calmer.
• Someone who sets boundaries when they don’t feel safe or respected.
• An adult who can “agree to disagree” when necessary.
• Someone who doesn’t avoid conflict or difficult conversations.

Examples of how we can teach Verbal Conflict Resolution to our child

• Role model all of the above.
• Speak up with honesty and kindness for what we want and need.
• Stay calm and pay attention when other people are sharing what they want and need.
• Set boundaries when someone is abusive to us or someone else.
• Use effective and healthy verbal conflict resolution skills with our child whenever we have a disagreement.
• Facilitate the use of healthy verbal conflict resolution skills between others in our care.
• Clarify when we think physical force or harsh language is okay, such as when it’s the only way to escape a violent person or situation.
• When you make a mistake or hurt someone, give a sincere apology to whoever was impacted

*I am using “they/their/theirs/them/themselves” as singular pronouns.

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