You may have noticed the same thing:
the huge difference in clothes bought by parents of boys versus parents of girls.
I’m talking about leggings.
“I can’t control what’s in the store,” a parent might say. Or “It’s just leggings. Get over it.”
I say, parents’ purchases of leggings relate directly to what we say we crave: gender equity.
For better or for worse, leggings are turning up almost everywhere, in all kinds of situations. “Online purchases of leggings [in 2016] were up 41% over the year prior, with the volume of orders surpassing orders of denim.” 1 Many schools and businesses have felt the need to address leggings in their dress codes.
Yet boys are not given leggings to wear when they go to the playground, school, or to run around with friends.*
The disparity is telling us something.
Parents dressing their little girls in leggings and not their little boys are sending their kids the message, however unconsciously, that girls’ bodies are meant to be on display. They are perpetuating the attitude that a major part of a girl’s value is as a visual aesthetic for others’ enjoyment and consumption. They are offering up her young, toned body like a public commodity for anyone who chooses to look.
While the message about boys is that a boy’s value has very little to do with being a visual aesthetic for others. His body is private and owned by him alone.
With our clothing choices for our kids, we’re unintentionally raising our boys to expect girls to display their bodies for them and raising our girls to think they need to (or acquiesce to doing so).
These are problems, when you have the goal of gender equity.
As a solution, I propose everyone wears leggings.
Legging fans will tell you they’re comfortable, flattering, versatile, easy, and that their rear ends look great in them. If leggings’ virtues are so numerous, let’s stop being stingy about them and encourage everyone to wear leggings whenever they want.
No one needs to be excluded from their supposed benefits. The human body is indeed beautiful and no one needs to be excluded from showing it off.
If you are put off by my solution, you may be thinking:
“I don’t want to see boys in leggings.”
If so, consider what makes you uncomfortable about boys’ bodies or tight clothing on boys. Consider the messages you have been taught about boys. What message do you instead want to pass down to your children? Do you want your kids to think boys’ bodies are ugly, unwieldy or shameful—or that no one can enjoy gazing at a male body?
“Boys would never want to wear leggings.”
Think about how our culture has made it difficult for boys to feel good about wearing leggings. Perhaps you have made it difficult as well. Consider ways you could encourage boys to wear leggings. Remember, leggings are comfortable, easy, versatile, and so on.
“Boys’ genitalia make leggings impossible.”
How does shaming boys for their body parts or avoiding boys’ genitalia get in the way of our goal of gender equity? Consider what we could do differently that would make leggings possible for boys.
You might also be thinking that a piece of clothing doesn’t have a broader impact or that a piece of clothing doesn’t have anything to do with how we interact in the world.
When we choose our clothes for the day, we are recognizing, perhaps only unconsciously, that each piece of clothing is a unique experience, with specific qualities, and presents us in a certain way to the world. Scientists have also found that clothing communicates messages to the wearer as well as the observer. They’ve coined two terms, “embodied cognition” and “enclothed cognition,” to explain how our clothing influences us.
“Embodied cognition” recognizes that we think with our bodies as well as our brains, and that what we wear impacts how we interact with and view the world. If I’m wearing a tight-fitting tank top instead of a bulky sweater, part of my brain is aware that everyone around me can see my arms as well as the shape of my stomach, chest, and back. I may feel strong, weak, attractive, insecure, sexy, flabby, or fit when I think about you looking at my arms, stomach, chest or back. This awareness takes some of my attention and also influences how I act around you.
“Enclothed cognition” points out that we are influenced by the symbolic meaning of each article of clothing as well as the physical experience of wearing it. When I slip on a cashmere blazer I purchased at an elegant store, I am aware of the feel of the fabric, the careful details, the attentive customer service I experienced and the tailored professional look. I am aware of the people I have seen wearing blazers and their roles. The cashmere of the blazer may symbolize elegance and professionalism, so I feel more elegant and professional while I’m wearing it. I also feel its warm wool hugging my body and its soft cushion of fabric as I lean against my chair. Every article of clothing provides its unique experience to the wearer.
What we buy for our kids matters. Leggings are always a choice. If you buy and/or wear leggings, share the love.
Bring on the leggings.
1 http://time.com/4713921/leggings-history-origins/
* The few boys who do wear leggings are wearing them during exercise only, often under shorts, and then change into regular pants or shorts afterwards.
Action Steps
Look for Leggings For 7 days, look for leggings on everyone around you and focus on each person. Pay attention to the initial, lightning-fast thoughts that go through your mind when you see someone in leggings. Write them down and see what messages our culture has taught you.
Focus on Boys and Men One day this week, visualize every boy and man you see in leggings. Don’t rush this activity. Use your imagination and pay attention to detail.
Do a Switch When you see a woman and a man walking together, switch their outfits. Carefully imagine what their bodies would look like in each other’s outfit. Notice your thoughts and reactions. Do you feel indecent? Silly? Uncomfortable? Lecherous? Excited? Powerful? Ashamed?
What Do Our Clothes Say? On another day this week, take a look at the clothes you own. What changes would you like to make?
What Have We Been Buying? Take a look at your children’s clothing. What have you been purchasing? What could you start encouraging more of? What could you buy less of?
Try Something New If you usually wear leggings, research alternatives on the internet and experiment with them. Share what you like about them with your kids.
Leggings for All If you’re a man, buy a pair of leggings (if you don’t own them already) and wear them around the house. Notice your own experience of wearing them and the reactions of others. If you want to be bolder, wear them out in public. Again, notice your own experience and the reactions of others.
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